Thiz mai life so far as i lived is not everything
but itz partial of da good nd not so guh partz as sum people knoe me foh yrz they noe part of wat haz hapened tuh me..mai
life is not as interestin but i'm givin u n idea on y i'm been da persun i am tuhday..tuh sum of mai close friendz they think
i can get w/e i want but they must noe dat i also suffer as they do nd datz y i help em with trouble nd datz y i tand how
they feel wen they go through da same crap i went through...
Mai life
All thingz start with hopez dat soon enough they are gune. Even though you keep a piece of it therez no use foh it.
All I knoe as foh me all dat is gune until i open mai eyez frum mai dream. Just Long ago before i turned 14 yrz old I was
in a lito dream, taht right nao it seemz 2 b real. There I saw struglez, sadnezz, happinezz, joy, confusion, nd a lot
of pain. Juts before I gut up frum dat dream, I wished thiz thingz will not cum upon me nd wished that even if it was
that I was stron tuh help me fivght ova it. But even in dreamz nd wishez therez no way out of REALITY...
It
all beginz wen mai innocence was upholdin mai life of freedum nd enjoyment, but though struglein of 1 persun dat 2day
is just a moron 2 me. I never though of how painful it would b 2 cry ova a persun who actualy neva cared bout u nor
yo feelinz. It takez me long enough bout 2 yrz or so tuh forget dat persun nd wat they hae dune tuh u, da good wun nd
bad. But with that da memori will stay until u die. Throughout da time I onli sat nd though cried with all mai heart,
therez no way 4 me tuh get out of thiz. Till wun dai I even though onbecumin suicide, since I saw it was mai onli way
out, though even with dat in mind mai heart just wanted tuh end it all.
On a saturday night I was strugleing through with pain. It was a rainy day as I can remember I decided my life is not
worth at all. Da clock striked 10 PM as I was layin on mai bed as I was lookin all around. As wat I found a pillownd
suffication will finish it all. My eyez were still filled in da flood as the rain still falled. I grabed da pillow
nd said Good bai as wat soon enough I heard mai mum. Stuipd me I said I din' close da door, if it wasen't foh her I be in
the heavenz above.
Later monthz passed I was healin maiself frum mai woundz. Till wun day i cried out I had enough. I asked God why do
I suffer so much ova a guy dat has no heart? Wut did I do tuh deserve al thiz bull crap? Until one day mai brotold
me "What you harvest tuhday will grow tuhmoroe". W/out knowin wat it meant I asked him as he responded with a smile
on hiz fag azz face nd told me "ANYTHING DAT U DO NAO WILL CUM BAQ TUH U LATERZ ON".Aften dat day I though of maiself dat
I need it tuh live a new life and a new hope wich i can recieve wat i do nao later on in da future.
Soon enough I had recover frum ai painful time. I haven't seen nor talk nor heard frum da moron dat wunce hurt my feelinz,
nd i wuz livin mai life once more with innocence and freely. No wun can get in mai way I said now nd no wun will ruin
mai life ever again.
A year or so has passed since da last time I cried. I met a persun a very special wun cuz a week later I left him all
behind. At the same time went out with another one foh 3 dayz wich wen I told him he said I cheated on him. I explained
but even with dat no use foh it dee onli thing he din't knew sumthing happened there. I din't suffer as much because
since I had no feelinz at al not much memori in mind onli saw each oda twice nd dat was all. Even with dat i never stoped
nd thinked bout em two on how they felt wen i left them nd on how there life would change because of me. All I had in
mind at dat time is to keep on nd search foh a betta guy.
I started growin and developin in mind my persunality was none stop. As I still was, all I though buot wuz azn guyz,
food nd have tonz of fun in da life I was livin in. Mia head was in KIWWI land where da passion for kittenz was kute
nd all. Without knowin wat was cumin ahead woudl change mai life.
Tuh make it all short nd all a month later I experienced mai life in a highkoo. I have met new people nd met a lot of
guyz tuh holla at. I also met almost all the azn peole dat lived in mai block. They all like family since were
close nd all cool in mai heart nd fun tuh fool round. Who would eva though I would end up havin an azn fake family nd
I would b da babi child. Even a great bro
dat been wiht meh even in mai thoughest time. A crazy cuzin dat
ended up been mai daughter nd also a young aunt dat also ended up been mai child. A crazy toad who is also mai son even
mai good latin friend of mine. Wun of mai close friendz in heart who alzo became mai bro a freaki maniac dat getz hyper
wen he drinkz gatorade. I gut bunch of viet cuzinz nd a chinese aunt n e race of da worldz i guess can join in da fam.
My broz friend a porcupine nd mai ex a kiwwi, all thiz made my mind turn baq nd said I thank God mai mum saved mai life frum
da suicide.
Soon no longer I met a guy who I though he was special nd innocent dat coudl understand mai heart. Long enough we were
tuhgeda foh a very long time wich with him I experienced sumthingz in life. Thingz began close but it was fallin apart,
I stood strong nd tru becuase I trusted in mai heart I will handle obsticlez dat might get me off da path. But thingz
were not as easi as I though differencezwere there, jelausy made da feelinz go far frum da beyond and argumentz foh stuipd
reasonz and it was all mai fault. I was a child a gurl who hasen't developed 2 b a grown woman yet but though I can
b fun and understandable at sum point of timez.
No longer I though I had my good timez nd bad, thingz gut worst as time passed. With out knowin soon enough my innocence was
gune. I was no longer untouched. Inside out I felt wrong on wat was goin on but wen i used tuh reject thignz just gut
worst. Even though my hopez weer there and holdin on tuh em da feelin hasen't changed cuz i wuz beginin tuh "love" or "like"
more then before. But even with dat I felt I was gunna go back to were i was...
******************************************************
Mai
luv is gune...
******************************************************
Luverz sit hea drinkin wine
Mmemoriez of a
luv gune bai
Find maiself still wunderin y
Alwayz though dat we were fine
then i foudn yo luv wusen't mine
seen
u just roll away frum mai eyez
I put all mai dreamz in u
Tuh find yo luv wusen't
tru
I wuz so sure
U neva go nd leave me down
I believed u neva leave me u neva lie tuh me
But i wuz wrong
Nao
mai luv is gune
******************************************************
Music by: ????
******************************************************
Never Would i though I would b goin 2 b hurt again. All da promises nd liez were no longer worth tuh me. Wunce moreafteh 2
yrz of cryin nd gettin ova a guy, hea i wuz again back 2 da same story. I din't noe wat 2 think n e more shold I keep
up with thiz or shold I lie wunce more aand think about another suicide. Who would eva though I wuz gion baqq 2
da beginin as wat I did was not worth at all.
As foh wt I stand up nao I'm not angry foh wat he did, In da beginin da thing I said was If he like another GURL just tuh
tell me so nd i woudl understand ne let go. But wun thing i'm angry foh promisin sumthing he was never goin tuh keep.
If sumwun promises sumthing they do it becuase they are goin tuh keep em. Also I'm angry for not tellinmeh da truth
on mai face like a man should, just givinexcuses nd lies just tuh get thingz out of da way. I'm angry also cuz i felt
used onli for hiz gamez nd non self control thingz dat he did nd angry for not been a man nd face da fact of reality.
I'm angry cuz he never treated me like a gurl sopose tuh b treated. I'm also angry becuase even with da crap dat I had
tuh take I still liked him n e wayz. I'm angry cuz even with a bunch of shietz nd sryz he woutn' of find out a
betta way tuh tell me thingz. I'm angry cuz of da liez nd thingz he hide nd I foudn out and stayed shut bout it. I'm angry
cuz i wuz dumnb enough tuh b handlein everything frum him instead of followin mai way through out of it. I'm just angry
on da way I was USED,TREATED,LIED,CHEATED,ND BLIND FOLDED frumda truth of hiz own planed game.
In my life I see my summer loleny nd full of tearz, instead of fun nd joy. Even with dat the Lord haz guided me through
my timez. I turnd tuh him as he has sent meh a persun who I had rejected nd treated him like crap. The persun who was
mai furst Ex left him a week nd had cheated on foh 3 dayz was the persun who is helpin meh through everything. I still
dun' t noe y would he help me out if
I neva gae him wat he wanted. But who noez in life even yo enemiez can b yo
#1 life saver through yo situation. A month has passed nd thingz has calmed down frum da storm. I met another guy who
has made me happi so far as a friend. I cannot see him as nuthin else cuz I'm not readi foh a guy yet not n e more.
Who would eva though I would go out with him but not foh a very long time. Mai 4th guy in mai life nd more tuh cum.
But my limit is 5 so until I'm older it will b mai last wun. It has not been easy tuh change from a guy to another dat
quick, but to live once more why not?
L.R.R 4 LIFE BITCH...lolz...Great i'm in a crew nao were I gut a khmer bro who helpin me out nao, nd gut mai back all da wayz
with n e ass hole dat try gettin in mai way. He noez watz goin on nd he is protectin me frmu da guy who broke mai heart.
1 word or near distance hiz life at risk of gettin beat up. Mai bro wuz in sum gang thing nd dat ain't guh @ all but
thankz GOD he gut out of it.
But even with dat I still gut da crew with meh holdin meh on nd makin meh laugh like lil jin
nd mai bro lil ruff includin mai oda fake son lil rider. I can feel free 2 say I'm happi with wut I gut. A lil ruff rider
for life is cool, no drugz nor alcohol is included but onli a group of people who gut each odaz baq foh n e bitch who try
tuh mess with uz. Wen I look at maiself included I feel good nd secure cuz I gut mai friendz nd mai 2 friendz who been
wiht meh through yrz, mai bro nd da crew tuh make meh smile nd get ova crap.
Foh nao mai mins is not da same. I grew meaner nd less nicer afteh all dat haz happened so far. I've though of killin
nd fightin nd mai heart been stoned by n e bitch or whore who try messin with mai life again. I no longer can b
happi nor sad at da asme time but strong nd powerful nao dat thingz are just past. I no longer am da gur who wuz innocent
nd fun i have lost everything wunce i gut fuked. I can sitll chill nd fool round b a kid but b a woman in mind nd fuck
da people dat i dun't cre bout. Thiz is how far I have been livin da dream i had before i turned 14 yrz old...
The end...
